I can officially not fall asleep if I feel that I am the least bit hungry. For example, I was in the blackout stages of sleep and I kept waking to tthis haunting feeling that I neede an M&M. I finally just got up and indulged with a Ritz cracoer thrown in here or there. There is nothing normal about this and it teoubles me to think that my eating habits are showing up in my sleep. For all I know I'm eating in my sleep, just standing at the kitchen counter pigging out in the wee hours of the morning. To add to the sad fact that I need to eat to sleep, I also need to have an empty bladder. It will dive me to insanity if I do not pee before I lay down. I guess there ar e consequences to that too.
I dont't throw a fit over my husband leaving the toilet seat up, it really doesn't bother me at home because it's just us and I have better things to complain about currently. But last night is a different story. I cannot use the master bedroom's bathroom toilet because the inards need fixing, so I walked down the hall to the other bathroom, not turning on the light because that would send a wake up signal to my brain. Last time I visited that toilet the sea was down and in the ready to use position. In pitch blakc, we can be a little off. I'm glad i was becasue my husband didn't put the seat down and that left me half way in the holea I barely survived that incident thanks to midnight grogginess. Needless to say, the light had to go on and anger ensued. I guess I am doing good though. After a year of marriage and not being bothered by the toilet seat not being restored to the natural position, I have only had one close call.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Cooking on the Fat Diet
In lieu of disappointment and utter regret I will say that eatig my cooking for the last year has been fabulous in the mouth. And horrifying in the stomach. I'm not talking the small fleshy orb that is my little stomach within my rib cage (or thereabouts), but my all out, or rather, all around blubber that cascades over my pants and has recently been having a love affair with my lap when I sit. Laying down seems to be the only viable option if I want to feel even an ounce of security in my choice to cook and eat what I've made. So, I only seem to look down when I lay down, and even then I am miserable at the lumps and bumps. I liken it to a "pond effect." What I mean by that is the flattening when you make contact with a surface, the sheer area you expand outward to is grossly enormous, it is rippled and jiggles, wobbles and looks like something live inside with every breath. TONIGHT is the night. Tonight I will go to the gym. The ellipticalis my friend and will make me hot, sweaty and tired, but it will not let me down. It will work my pond scum into shape. I just hope and pry that the shape of my pond scum is relatively the same shape I was when I was fourteen.
I will not be a victim of my own clothes!
That's right. Let's take a look at peopleofwalmart.com. Go ahead, look, smirk and even giggle, but do you know how many people allow their clothes to eat them? My mother has always been a firm believer in large sized clothes and flannel. Ignoring the flannelizms, the shortage of correctly sized shirts and pants relative to the body they cover. Looking back at the peopleofwalmart, we see bulges and bubbles, tires and handles in place we never thought would need to be lifted. From my flub to yours, keep it smooth.
I will not be a victim of my own clothes!
That's right. Let's take a look at peopleofwalmart.com. Go ahead, look, smirk and even giggle, but do you know how many people allow their clothes to eat them? My mother has always been a firm believer in large sized clothes and flannel. Ignoring the flannelizms, the shortage of correctly sized shirts and pants relative to the body they cover. Looking back at the peopleofwalmart, we see bulges and bubbles, tires and handles in place we never thought would need to be lifted. From my flub to yours, keep it smooth.
Michelin Man Strikes Again! And Office Lunch.
So,... what a way to state the obvious nothingness that gunks up or perceptions of life.
Starting out, I'd like to state that I am coming to the very VERY sad realization that everyhting older people tell you you are going to think when you're they're age is truly what you think when you are their age. It's a SAD thing for the most part. It's like they are predicting that you are going to become a fat schlub that looks back on high school photos andd thinks, "gee, look at me. I was so skinny," especially compared to the current situation you find yourself in. Yes, where you're sitting is in a chair, in an office, with down time, nothing to do, but write about the tires that you now find protruding from your mid-section. The Michelin man has entered your tangible self. You have become a large, bulbous fat-so sitting in a chair reminiscing on the olden days, which, really aren't that far behind you. And don't get me started on what is being me. What constant bounces and jiggles in front of me is enough to make an appointment over, let alone thinking of the rear end of the deal.
What's for lunch? Isn't that another sad thing? In the morning, we arrive at our secular jobs, our minds still blaming that alarm for waking it when sleep was the foremost thing in that knoggen.. 9ur sit in a chair staring at a computer all day routine begins and we are too many hours away from the end of the day, so we dwell on our break: our lunch break. In the office setting, lunch is talked about from the moment we arrive up until the drive to the selected site. Trying to coordinate a lunch time and place in a small office of seven people, three of which aren't even going to join can be a logistics exercise of epic proportions.
Starting out, I'd like to state that I am coming to the very VERY sad realization that everyhting older people tell you you are going to think when you're they're age is truly what you think when you are their age. It's a SAD thing for the most part. It's like they are predicting that you are going to become a fat schlub that looks back on high school photos andd thinks, "gee, look at me. I was so skinny," especially compared to the current situation you find yourself in. Yes, where you're sitting is in a chair, in an office, with down time, nothing to do, but write about the tires that you now find protruding from your mid-section. The Michelin man has entered your tangible self. You have become a large, bulbous fat-so sitting in a chair reminiscing on the olden days, which, really aren't that far behind you. And don't get me started on what is being me. What constant bounces and jiggles in front of me is enough to make an appointment over, let alone thinking of the rear end of the deal.
What's for lunch? Isn't that another sad thing? In the morning, we arrive at our secular jobs, our minds still blaming that alarm for waking it when sleep was the foremost thing in that knoggen.. 9ur sit in a chair staring at a computer all day routine begins and we are too many hours away from the end of the day, so we dwell on our break: our lunch break. In the office setting, lunch is talked about from the moment we arrive up until the drive to the selected site. Trying to coordinate a lunch time and place in a small office of seven people, three of which aren't even going to join can be a logistics exercise of epic proportions.
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